thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
