I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize