I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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