so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
