I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
