And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
