Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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