i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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