how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
