a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
