Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
