We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize