I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize