I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
