i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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