hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You pole danced in your parka.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
