i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
