apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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