Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
