I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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