i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
