I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
