Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
