Too much gin, very little bucket
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
