Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
