Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
