I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
