when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
