There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm jealous of your bromance
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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