My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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