Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
