32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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