Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
