last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
