Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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