took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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