It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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