My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
