You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
