I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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