Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
