Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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