i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
