I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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