woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
