I need help removing her.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So much rum. So many feels.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
