so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
