just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
