A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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