Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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