So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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