guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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