how can u be prego again
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
