I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
