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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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