it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize