chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
