Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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