In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
