brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
