I hate all girls vehemently.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
