I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think i have herpe
just one?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
