Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
