I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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