the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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