nut hugger
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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