see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
